i hate miranda july.
I HATE MIRANDA JULY BECAUSE SHE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING ELSE THAT I HATE. I hate her stupid twee-ass writing that doesn’t make any sense. It’s like bitch started reading e.e. cummings, and was like ‘lemme write the short story of this shit right quick, only let me take all the heart and beauty out it, so all you have left is INSUFFERABLE PRECIOUS NONSENSE.’ And that is a lot of insufferable precious nonsense. I hate Miranda July because she turned every girl with low self esteem into a ‘vintage’ wearing, cupcake making, picnic having, bicycle riding empty vessel for some main character bro to project himself onto. Remember when girls with low self esteem were just sluts? Man, those were the days.
AND I HATE HER FUCKING MOVIE. It’s like the sort of movie I would have made at 15, confusing ‘annoying’ and ‘boring’ for ‘indie’ and ‘artsy’, back when those words didn’t make me cringe. It was like, Scary Movie 7, but for nerds who like David Foster Wallace. Indie Flick 3 (or 4 or 5 or whatever). It was a parody of itself without even trying to be. Maybe that makes it super meta or something, but it was just super shitty. AND SHE WON AWARDS FOR IT. Did we watch the same movie? And shit spawned all sorts of nastiness. 500 Days of Summer rests on your shoulders, Miranda July. That whole Zooey Deschanel shit (I will get to that later), man. Fuck you Miranda July. Fuck Portland. Fuck all y’all precious-ass bitches.